Talking with Kids About Tragedy: 5 Tips for Navigating Difficult Topics

After a tragedy occurs, anxiety and fears often spike for caregivers. Questions occur ranging from “Could this happen again?” and “How do I keep my child safe?” to “How do I explain this to my child?” Below are a few tips to help caregivers begin to navigate through these difficult topics.

1. Limit access to media outlets

While access and exposure to some of these outlets is unavoidable, it is important to work closely to limit and monitor your child’s exposure to this. Watching or hearing repeated information related to the event that occurred may offer only one perspective and can shape future beliefs and understanding about the event in ways that may not be helpful. Extended exposure to these outlets also opens up the opportunity for secondary traumatic stress symptoms (what happened for many after the September 11th terrorist attacks).

2. Provide Age-Appropriate information

Provide your child with only factual information- remember their beliefs about the world, themselves, and others are shaped by their experiences, so it is important to not alter those based on your emotions. Youth do not need to know every gruesome detail related to the tragedy that occurred. Give honest and accurate information that is age-appropriate.

3. Be Real

In times of trauma and tragedy, the natural instinct is to want to offer solutions and promises to ensure this will never happen again. Be realistic about what promises you can and cannot make. You cannot promise this will never happen again, but you can ensure your child of the things that you, the school, and community are doing to help ensure safety. Promote safety by returning to normal routines and patterns whenever possible.

4. Listen

Your child may have heard details from media outlets, peers, and community members, often forming their own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives related to this topic (accurate or not). Allow a safe place for your child to talk about those thoughts and fears. Validate their feelings and take concerns seriously, while at the same time allow for an open dialogue to discuss some inaccuracies that may be present.

5. Be an emotional container

Youth are very aware of caregivers’ responses and this often shapes what they feel they can and cannot talk about with them. Be aware of your emotional responses. If you are feeling triggered at the moment, take some time to practice some self-care and/or coping strategies before you start the conversation. Your child needs to know that they can talk with you about anything and that you can handle it and listen. If children perceive this is not an option, they may not talk about their thoughts and feelings or they may believe that they shouldn’t feel that way.

 

Wedgwood Christian Services offers a variety of Compassionate Counseling Services including Individual & Family therapy, Trauma-Focused, and Parenting Support. Click here to learn more, or call (616) 942-7294 for more information

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network provides a wide array of resources for caregivers, youth, school personnel, and mental health professionals on this topic and other traumatic events. For additional information related to community violence: http://nctsn.com/trauma-types/community-violence.