The Importance of Boundaries

Coffee Break Conversations with Kali Jackson, LMSW-C, CAADC-DP, Residential Therapist

Hillary and Kali discuss the importance of boundaries in the Season 4 Premiere episode of Wedgwood’s Coffee Break Conversation. Kali Jackson, LMSW-C, CAADC-DP, Wedgwood Residential Therapist and actively involved in our Human Trafficking Treatment Program, emphasizes the unique and vital role boundaries play in personal and professional relationships. Together, they explore the necessity of clear communication, vulnerability, and problem-solving skills in maintaining healthy boundaries.

What are boundaries?

Kali describes boundaries as a line or fence around your house of safety and comfort. You must start with a self-assessment to determine where you put that fence. Reflect on yourself and your relationships to better understand what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable to better identify what your boundaries are. Kali says, “You cannot tame something if you can’t name it, you cannot start to heal it if you can’t feel it.” By recognizing discomfort in your relationships, you’ll see where boundaries are necessary.

How do you set boundaries?

The key first step is to engage in a vulnerable one-on-one conversation with someone you need to set a boundary with. While confrontation may be out of your comfort zone, having a private discussion allows both involved to openly share perspectives and provide useful insight. This openness encourages individuals to ask questions for clarity, so you can better your relationships moving forward.

Often, people don’t know their boundaries until they’re crossed. When a boundary is crossed, first consider the relationship, and evaluate its significance by asking yourself, “How serious is this boundary?” Many people violate boundaries because they don’t know it is one. It is helpful to give some clarifying information, and if they continue to violate it, then take the next steps. Both relationships and boundaries take work. It’s essential not to assume to know someone’s boundaries but rather allow them the space to define and communicate them.

Can boundaries be healthy?

It is common to perceive boundaries are created for what makes you feel unsafe, untrusted, or uncomfortable. However, boundaries also positively contribute to your well-being by allowing more of what makes you feel good. Healthy boundaries accept more of the good in your life that you want more of.

Boundaries help make relationships constructive and healthy through consistent communication. The biggest reason boundaries become harmful or unhelpful is when we’re not communicating them to someone. As a result, we will cut them out of our lives when they do not follow by our boundaries. These actions lead to toxic behavior because we’re not being relational or using problem-solving skills.

 

KALI’S TOP THREE TIPS FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF:

Assess yourself.

Look internally when we talk about boundaries. Setting boundaries is not selfish – it’s a vital aspect of self-respect and maintaining healthy relationships. It’s not about the other person, it’s about you and what you’re comfortable with too. Make sure to reassess and adjust your boundaries as you see fit to ensure they continue to best serve your current needs.

 

Learn how to say “no.”

All your yeses lose value if you never learn how to say no. Start by recognizing saying no is not only acceptable but necessary to prioritize your own needs and values. Practice growing comfortable saying no in your personal and professional lives. By honoring your limits and saying no when appropriate, you reinforce your boundaries and establish healthier behavior in your relationships.

 

Value communication.

This is not communicating over texts or social media; this is face-to-face conversations. Be able to sit down and have those vulnerable conversations to say things like, “I really liked this, and I want more,” or “I don’t like this, and we need to change.” Face-to-face conversation is key because so much can get lost in communication via text or email. Boundaries are all about the relationship and being personable, so why would you want to do that in a non-personable fashion?

 

Wedgwood is here to help!

At Wedgwood Christian Services, you’ll find a caring and compassionate team of professionals who understand the complexities of mental health and are committed to providing individualized care that meets your unique needs. Wedgwood’s holistic approach offers a comprehensive range of services to help you or your loved one achieve mental health growth & progress.

Wedgwood Christian Services is located on the southeast side of Grand Rapids in West Michigan.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, Wedgwood’s Counseling and Psychiatric Services have immediate openings. You can contact the Bouma Counseling Center at (616) 942-7294 or email counseling@wedgwood.org for more information.

 

Want to learn more about setting boundaries? Check out Wedgwood’s Coffee Break Conversation to see the full episode with Kali on our YouTube channel or the Wedgwood Podcast – available wherever you get your podcasts.